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Official development blog for the PARANOIA roleplaying game. No description is available at your security clearance. The Computer is your friend.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
High Programmer Biographies
One chapter of the upcoming High Programmer rulebook discusses sample NPC High Programmers. These Heroes of Our Complex (or disgraced traitors, depending on which of them was the last to edit The Computer's memory files) are for use both as non-player characters by GMs and as inspiring examples for the players.
We need a few more, though, so get writing! High Programmer biographies should be short, punchy and funny. We take no responsibilities for any terminations resulting from your involvement in this chapter.
Again, submit via comments to this post.
We need a few more, though, so get writing! High Programmer biographies should be short, punchy and funny. We take no responsibilities for any terminations resulting from your involvement in this chapter.
Again, submit via comments to this post.
Comments:
[Not sure how brief is required... how's this?]
Maurice-U-GNP-13
Burst: AC 137
The legendary bureaucrat Maurice-U is largely responsible for CPU as it exists today. Rising through the ranks of that group in his relentless quest for Total Information, it was Maurice who created the original Form Request Form and began CPU's cycle of detailed observations of other Service Groups, for their own protection and benefit.
The Computer, pleased with his work, asked him in AC 197 just where he got all his ideas from. Maurice immediately launched an intensive, paperwork-heavy, multi-year investigation into himself. He was last seen alive in AC 201, presenting a 3,000 page interim precursor milestone abstract report, which he immediately recalled for editing.
Some say, with frankly unpatriotic relish, that he may have suffocated under a mountain of foolscap; others that he must have succumbed to a nasty case of recursion. A few of his loyal fans in CPU (and some Mystics, interestingly) believe he will one day return to them in a blaze of glory, having Achieved Total Oneness and Knowing His Inner Self In Triplicate.
Maurice-U-GNP-13
Burst: AC 137
The legendary bureaucrat Maurice-U is largely responsible for CPU as it exists today. Rising through the ranks of that group in his relentless quest for Total Information, it was Maurice who created the original Form Request Form and began CPU's cycle of detailed observations of other Service Groups, for their own protection and benefit.
The Computer, pleased with his work, asked him in AC 197 just where he got all his ideas from. Maurice immediately launched an intensive, paperwork-heavy, multi-year investigation into himself. He was last seen alive in AC 201, presenting a 3,000 page interim precursor milestone abstract report, which he immediately recalled for editing.
Some say, with frankly unpatriotic relish, that he may have suffocated under a mountain of foolscap; others that he must have succumbed to a nasty case of recursion. A few of his loyal fans in CPU (and some Mystics, interestingly) believe he will one day return to them in a blaze of glory, having Achieved Total Oneness and Knowing His Inner Self In Triplicate.
# posted by 
: October 28, 2009 7:01 AM
: October 28, 2009 7:01 AM
Peter-U-ENM
Burst: AC 170
The youngest clone to attain ULTRAVIOLET status in many years, Peter-U's rise is all the more astonishing given that he worked in the lowly Service Group HPD&MC. With each promotion, he sought to create the vidshows and live performances that his fellow citizens really wanted to see, generally involving the comforting humiliation of lower-clearance citizens.
The masterwork that propelled him to the ranks of the High Programmers was the notorious production You Pull The Strings. Breaking the boundaries of traditional vidshow production, the then Peter-V offered the discerning High Programmer the ultimate in personalised reality TV. A target of the High Programmer's choice would be tricked into signing the relevant release forms, then have their room bugged, their machinery hacked, extra cameras installed and even traps set in their quarters. Watching on a secure channel with two-way data transfer, the viewer was free to ruthlessly manipulate the life of the unfortunate "actor" through a series of verbal, visual and physical pranks and cantrips.
Peter was elevated to the ranks of the High Programmers by universal ULTRAVIOLET acclaim. They reasoned it was wise to keep such an inventively malicious clone on their side.
Burst: AC 170
The youngest clone to attain ULTRAVIOLET status in many years, Peter-U's rise is all the more astonishing given that he worked in the lowly Service Group HPD&MC. With each promotion, he sought to create the vidshows and live performances that his fellow citizens really wanted to see, generally involving the comforting humiliation of lower-clearance citizens.
The masterwork that propelled him to the ranks of the High Programmers was the notorious production You Pull The Strings. Breaking the boundaries of traditional vidshow production, the then Peter-V offered the discerning High Programmer the ultimate in personalised reality TV. A target of the High Programmer's choice would be tricked into signing the relevant release forms, then have their room bugged, their machinery hacked, extra cameras installed and even traps set in their quarters. Watching on a secure channel with two-way data transfer, the viewer was free to ruthlessly manipulate the life of the unfortunate "actor" through a series of verbal, visual and physical pranks and cantrips.
Peter was elevated to the ranks of the High Programmers by universal ULTRAVIOLET acclaim. They reasoned it was wise to keep such an inventively malicious clone on their side.
# posted by : October 28, 2009 11:07 AM
: October 28, 2009 11:07 AM
Lottie-U-WCD-3
Burst: AC 118
Lottie is not, in the classical sense, famous. She has blazed no trail of glory and gunfire, invented no ubiquitous gadget, performed no valiant act of paperwork. But she is known and admired far and wide; and in the ever-processing, data-crunching heart of CPU Central, the very lack of data regarding her stands out: seemingly, she has never fired a shot in anger.
Starting her career in PLC, she was seconded to the Troubleshooters as an ORANGE-clearance Mission Dispatch operative after her friendly counter service unnerved her superiors. Since then she has gently and unobtrusively risen to high clearance, all apparently through genuine friendliness and service to Computer and Complex. Now rather elderly, but still sprightly, she even manages to keep her fellow ULTRAVIOLETS in line through the sheer force of her ebullient personality.
Hardened generals and fearless retired IntSec investigators are rendered stuttering and mumbling when she invites them round for tea and cakes, or to look at photographs of her back in the 140s. If any High Programmer does summon the force of will to threaten her, they instantly make an enemy of every other High Programmer for sectors around, who have become rather protective of her. The consequences of such an action are left as an exercise for the survivors.
[Saul, you still about? Feeling lonely here :) ]
Burst: AC 118
Lottie is not, in the classical sense, famous. She has blazed no trail of glory and gunfire, invented no ubiquitous gadget, performed no valiant act of paperwork. But she is known and admired far and wide; and in the ever-processing, data-crunching heart of CPU Central, the very lack of data regarding her stands out: seemingly, she has never fired a shot in anger.
Starting her career in PLC, she was seconded to the Troubleshooters as an ORANGE-clearance Mission Dispatch operative after her friendly counter service unnerved her superiors. Since then she has gently and unobtrusively risen to high clearance, all apparently through genuine friendliness and service to Computer and Complex. Now rather elderly, but still sprightly, she even manages to keep her fellow ULTRAVIOLETS in line through the sheer force of her ebullient personality.
Hardened generals and fearless retired IntSec investigators are rendered stuttering and mumbling when she invites them round for tea and cakes, or to look at photographs of her back in the 140s. If any High Programmer does summon the force of will to threaten her, they instantly make an enemy of every other High Programmer for sectors around, who have become rather protective of her. The consequences of such an action are left as an exercise for the survivors.
[Saul, you still about? Feeling lonely here :) ]
# posted by : October 28, 2009 1:47 PM
: October 28, 2009 1:47 PM
LOL sorry Danforth. Getting into the UV mindset is hard for me at the moment, I'm too busy with RED-level work.
But here's an idea you can flesh out for a potential UV enemy: Someone who was a Mission Briefing Officer for most of his career. He was able to insert special favors for other UVs into Computer-assigned missions, and make sure that no trace was left, either through the official reports or through survivors. He leveraged the favors into promotions, and now he's the one looking for briefing officers to control -- possibly from the ranks of YOUR Troubleshooter team!
But here's an idea you can flesh out for a potential UV enemy: Someone who was a Mission Briefing Officer for most of his career. He was able to insert special favors for other UVs into Computer-assigned missions, and make sure that no trace was left, either through the official reports or through survivors. He leveraged the favors into promotions, and now he's the one looking for briefing officers to control -- possibly from the ranks of YOUR Troubleshooter team!
[Okay Saul, you're excused. Getting this thread back on topic... hopefully Gareth will find useful material among my shotgun blast of submissions :)... ]
Carstairs-U-BWN-27
Burst: AC 98
Carstairs describes himself as "a scholar of the Outdoors". Many ULTRAVIOLETS, though they are permitted to investigate Old Reckoning cultures and hobbies, confine themselves to their luxuriant mansions and send underlings out to do the dirty work. Carstairs, conversely, is constantly heading Outdoors, cheerfully enduring sanitary conditions his fellow UVs have not seen for several clearances.
He is fascinated by the mutated menagerie that lies outside the domes and bulkheads of Alpha Complex, and he is very high-minded in his approach to dealing with it. Merely shooting them would be barbaric bloodsport. Blasting them apart with heavy artillery, cone rifles, and chainsaw cannons, conversely, is Science. Many an animal fragment is proudly borne back to his personal lab for further study.
In the past, hunters mounted the heads of slain animals on their walls. To Carstairs this is tremendously limiting. His quarters are a heaving nightmare of external and internal body-part trophies. All Sierra Club sympathisers who enter take an immediate Sanity Check. Still, an extremely useful fellow to know in the event of a Complex-smashing disaster.
Carstairs-U-BWN-27
Burst: AC 98
Carstairs describes himself as "a scholar of the Outdoors". Many ULTRAVIOLETS, though they are permitted to investigate Old Reckoning cultures and hobbies, confine themselves to their luxuriant mansions and send underlings out to do the dirty work. Carstairs, conversely, is constantly heading Outdoors, cheerfully enduring sanitary conditions his fellow UVs have not seen for several clearances.
He is fascinated by the mutated menagerie that lies outside the domes and bulkheads of Alpha Complex, and he is very high-minded in his approach to dealing with it. Merely shooting them would be barbaric bloodsport. Blasting them apart with heavy artillery, cone rifles, and chainsaw cannons, conversely, is Science. Many an animal fragment is proudly borne back to his personal lab for further study.
In the past, hunters mounted the heads of slain animals on their walls. To Carstairs this is tremendously limiting. His quarters are a heaving nightmare of external and internal body-part trophies. All Sierra Club sympathisers who enter take an immediate Sanity Check. Still, an extremely useful fellow to know in the event of a Complex-smashing disaster.
# posted by : October 29, 2009 6:05 AM
: October 29, 2009 6:05 AM
Alison-U-TAM-7
Burst: AC 150
Assigned to PLC on completion of her Junior Citizenship, Alison rapidly rose to YELLOW-clearance controller of an important Outfitting warehouse after a series of entirely coincidental accidents befell her superiors. Those higher up the chain became suspicious, and asked CPU to observe her first six months on the job.
Under pressure to increase footfall, reduce treasonous bribery and increase customer satisfaction, she enacted a stroke of genius: make the bribes legal. These "service charges", with better service accompanying higher charges, meant richer and more important (and therefore trustworthy) citizens got served quickly, pleasing CPU, The Computer, and a lot of powerful clones with suddenly improved permanent records.
Alison was a key player in the formation of Alpha Complex's ersatz "economy", reasoning that a clone who stands in line to exchange all their credits for items is a happier clone than one standing in line, without credits, to be given the items; though not even Alison is sure why this is the case.
Burst: AC 150
Assigned to PLC on completion of her Junior Citizenship, Alison rapidly rose to YELLOW-clearance controller of an important Outfitting warehouse after a series of entirely coincidental accidents befell her superiors. Those higher up the chain became suspicious, and asked CPU to observe her first six months on the job.
Under pressure to increase footfall, reduce treasonous bribery and increase customer satisfaction, she enacted a stroke of genius: make the bribes legal. These "service charges", with better service accompanying higher charges, meant richer and more important (and therefore trustworthy) citizens got served quickly, pleasing CPU, The Computer, and a lot of powerful clones with suddenly improved permanent records.
Alison was a key player in the formation of Alpha Complex's ersatz "economy", reasoning that a clone who stands in line to exchange all their credits for items is a happier clone than one standing in line, without credits, to be given the items; though not even Alison is sure why this is the case.
# posted by : October 29, 2009 6:36 AM
: October 29, 2009 6:36 AM
[One more? :)]
Marcos-U-CPU-8 through 11
Burst: AC 166
There are some decisions which are best never taken. For the good of Alpha Complex, it is occasionally neccessary for policies to... not be actioned or dropped, but simply to... go astray. The small number of clones raised in CPU Sector itself are taught this from birth, and one has made his teacherbots especially happy.
The dynamic yet shifty Marcos-U is the architect of CPU's latest framework for supporting this bureaucratic infinite loop: the Eternal Meeting. Clones 8 through 11 chair this neverending paper-shuffling, responsibility-deferring carousel in six-hour shifts. Policy documents and proposals routed to the Eternal agenda by other departments are safely quarantined, never to escape no matter how many amendments the owner adds.
At lower clearances, Marcos served as a Briefing Officer, and claims to have been inspired in the creation of this bastion of buck-passing by Troubleshooter debriefings. On meeting him, newly-promoted ULTRAVIOLETS realise that, but for his efforts, their route to the top would have been even more tortuous and hamstrung by rules and regulations than it was. At this point they generally give a little scream, and shake his hand.
Post a Comment
Marcos-U-CPU-8 through 11
Burst: AC 166
There are some decisions which are best never taken. For the good of Alpha Complex, it is occasionally neccessary for policies to... not be actioned or dropped, but simply to... go astray. The small number of clones raised in CPU Sector itself are taught this from birth, and one has made his teacherbots especially happy.
The dynamic yet shifty Marcos-U is the architect of CPU's latest framework for supporting this bureaucratic infinite loop: the Eternal Meeting. Clones 8 through 11 chair this neverending paper-shuffling, responsibility-deferring carousel in six-hour shifts. Policy documents and proposals routed to the Eternal agenda by other departments are safely quarantined, never to escape no matter how many amendments the owner adds.
At lower clearances, Marcos served as a Briefing Officer, and claims to have been inspired in the creation of this bastion of buck-passing by Troubleshooter debriefings. On meeting him, newly-promoted ULTRAVIOLETS realise that, but for his efforts, their route to the top would have been even more tortuous and hamstrung by rules and regulations than it was. At this point they generally give a little scream, and shake his hand.
# posted by : November 02, 2009 9:47 AM
: November 02, 2009 9:47 AMCopyright © 2004-2013 by Greg Costikyan and Eric Goldberg. All your rights are belong to us. No bloody Creative Commons here! Bwahahaha!
No, seriously. If you make non-commercial use of stuff here, that's fine, but we reserve all commercial rights, and all rights to prepare derivative material on things posted here. In addition, posters of comments must be aware that we reserve the right to use whatever material they post here, and/or derivative works therefrom, in PARANOIA, supplementary products, licensed products, or derivative work, without any compensation whatever, for all time to come and throughout this universe and any alternate universes that may be discovered. At our discretion, and without obligation, we may, if it strikes our fancy, make a good faith effort to credit you for stuff we use, but we can't promise it won't slip our minds, in the hurly-burly of meeting deadlines. (Actually, we intend to do that, but it's possible we'll screw up.) By posting comments, you grant us a non-revocable, perpetual, non-exclusive license to use whatever you post, in whatsoever fashion we deem useful, here or in any other forum, in PARANOIA or in any and all future products, including but not limited to derivative works, and specifically but not exclusively including the microbrewery beer, ale and porter; salty and sugary snack; and tattoo design rights deriving therefrom. Woohoo! Is that enough legalese for you? The Computer is Your Friend.
