PARANOIA

You may have seen (via Boing Boing and elsewhere) this photo series of flame-retardant foam filling an airplane hangar at Ellsworth Air Force Base, South Dakota.

Last August the Air Force installed "a modern high-expansion foam system" in a hangar for B-1 bombers. The civilian contractor, with military approval, tested the system. "Required coverage occurred within one minute of the system being activated," says an Air Force press release. "The test was so successful, the foam reached the observation platform where officials were documenting the procedure. The Air Force required a minimum of one meter of foam to be achieved in four minutes or less. For testing purposes, the foam was allowed to disperse for the full four minutes."

And then -- uh -- it kept going. And going. Finally they had to open the hangar doors and send a seismic cascade of shaving cream out onto the tarmac among the planes.

All this sounds totally familiar to every PARANOIA player. But the real Alpha Complex angle, for me, is the military's stony-faced spin control at debriefing. Did something go wrong? Might some official's job be at risk? Not at all, Friend Computer! This planned and meticulously executed test succeeded beyond all hope! From the press release:

The system worked so well the exterior door of the hangar had to be opened before the test was fully completed. These events account for the photos of the amount of foam inside and outside of the hangar.

So, did someone have a gross miscue? No. On the contrary, a fire suppression system responsible for helping protect vital mission-essential assets and, most importantly, for helping safeguard Airmen’s lives, worked extremely well. The foam system exceeded Air Force standards, Colonel Singh said.

Boy, no kidding. As you might expect, the Air Force takes a stern view of citizens who frivolously send around these photos:

Master Sgt. Dana Rogers, 28th Communications Squadron superintendent of network security, said e-mails such as the one depicting the foam test "misrepresent our capabilities" and can even cause damage to computer networks. "You think it’s so funny, so you send it to 10 people. Then, they send it to 10 more. This takes up an extremely large amount of e-mail space and can lead to the loss of resources," he said.

Apparently the foam did no damage, and no one was hurt. I presume our nation's fleet of multi-billion-dollar bombers could have withstood the foam, had it reached them. But the idea that Air Force computer networks can't handle the latest e-mail joke to make the rounds -- now that sounds like Alpha Complex.