<$BlogRSDURL$>

Official development blog for the PARANOIA roleplaying game. No description is available at your security clearance. The Computer is your friend.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

PARANOIA in the real world: Bomb threat call checklist 

Proper PARANOIA play requires many forms (CPU Central has a broad and excellent selection), but to date we have overlooked that staple of modern society, the bomb threat call checklist. One version, popular with many businesses and institutions, (here's a copy used by the University of Wisconsin - Stevens Point), includes helpful questions you ask the guy who's just given you one minute to get out of the building:
  1. "What does [the bomb] look like?"

  2. "What kind of bomb is it?"

  3. "What will cause it to explode?"

  4. "Did you place the bomb? Why?"

  5. "What is your address? What is your name?"

Oh, and while you have the bomber on the phone, be sure to tick the appropriate checkboxes to describe his voice: Calm/Angry/Excited, Slow/Rapid, Soft/Loud, Laughing Crying, Normal/Distinct/Slurred/Nasal, Stutter, Lisp, Raspy, Deep, Ragged, Clearing Throat, Deep Breathing, Crackling Voice, Disguised, Accent, Familiar ("If voice is familiar who did it sound like?").

Don't forget to indicate -- never mind the passing seconds, pay attention! -- to indicate background sounds: Clear/Static, Local/Long Distance, Street Noises, Crockery, Voices, PA System, House Noises, Motor, Animal Noises, Music, Office Machinery, Booth, Factory Machinery, Other.

Also please indicate -- relax, you still have plenty of time, at least ten seconds easy -- the caller's Threat Language: Well Spoken (well educated), Foul, Irrational, Incoherent, Taped, or Message Read By Threat Maker.

Use the remaining seconds of your bomb-call experience to record "Remarks." The instructions say "Print this form out, fill it out, and as soon as possible relay the information to Protective Services." Better hope the printer doesn't jam.

This is a real form, in use right now in (what we may call) the real world. What questions would additionally apply in Alpha Complex? First, you'd obviously inquire about the bomber's security clearance, to determine your proper level of deference. Beyond that, what would Internal Security desire you to find out before your sector explodes?
Posted by: Allen Varney / 5:08 PM

Comments:
Was the caller involved or responsible for any of the following bombings:
Food vat explosion in TDC sector
Second food vat explosion in TDC sector
...(list)

Go through the list again, this time ask if they know any suspects for these crimes
List the possible traitors below:
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : January 07, 2006 5:48 PM
 
My university (Appalachian State) used these too. They came in the phone book.

The form might actually be a booklet, with instructions printed on the cover like "Red Clearance Turn To Pages 1-3" or whatever. The higher-clearance the Citizen is, the more direct, easy-to-understand and pertinent the questions. Not to mention there are fewer. The higher the clearance of the Citizen doing the reading, the more rational the question - "What was the suspect's height? Weight? Hair color? Distinguishing features? Clothing? Weaponry? Security Clearance?"

Not that any lower-clearance Citizen would breach the security seals and open the wrong section of paper, nooooo.
# posted by Blogger John Doe : January 07, 2006 9:17 PM
 
Would the bomber describe themselves as highly motivated, fairly motivated, slightly motivated, minimally motivated, or not at all motivated?

For statistical correlation purposes, is the bomber-- already established as a traitor-- also a Communist? Is the bomber also a mutant?

How many bottles of Bouncy Bubbly Beverage has the bomber consumed today?
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : January 08, 2006 2:09 AM
 
How did you acquire the bomb?
1) PLC. Specify retail outlet:
2) IR Market. Specify location and Free Enterprise Contact:
3) C-Bay. Please include link to transaction history.
4) R&D. Specify lab and scientist in charge:
5) Strapped to torso by traitors. Specify location of interaction with traitors, reason for interaction, number of traitors, descriptions, and ME Card numbers. Use extra paper if necessary:
6) Secret Society. Specify the secret society, whether or not you are a member, where they meet, when they meet, who your contacts are, and when you were given the bomb:
7) Made it yourself. Please specify all components and where each component was acquired, as above:
8) Other. Please explain:
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : January 08, 2006 4:48 PM
 
I think that everyone has forgotten the obvious:

What is the clearance of the bomb?

And:

Is the bomb now, or has it ever been, a (check all that apply) ___ Commie ___ Mutant ___ Scrubot ?

Don't forget the forms that ask you to contact PURGE if you would like to aid in future bombings.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : January 08, 2006 5:48 PM
 
Don't forget the social segmentation questions:

Do you regularly do any of the following (check all that apply):
Watch vidshows
Work really hard
Be unhappy
Drink P3

I like The Computer:
A lot
Somewhat
Perhaps
Not a lot
Not at all
# posted by Blogger irve : January 09, 2006 3:46 PM
 
Post a Comment

Copyright © 2004-2013 by Greg Costikyan and Eric Goldberg. All your rights are belong to us. No bloody Creative Commons here! Bwahahaha!
No, seriously. If you make non-commercial use of stuff here, that's fine, but we reserve all commercial rights, and all rights to prepare derivative material on things posted here. In addition, posters of comments must be aware that we reserve the right to use whatever material they post here, and/or derivative works therefrom, in PARANOIA, supplementary products, licensed products, or derivative work, without any compensation whatever, for all time to come and throughout this universe and any alternate universes that may be discovered. At our discretion, and without obligation, we may, if it strikes our fancy, make a good faith effort to credit you for stuff we use, but we can't promise it won't slip our minds, in the hurly-burly of meeting deadlines. (Actually, we intend to do that, but it's possible we'll screw up.) By posting comments, you grant us a non-revocable, perpetual, non-exclusive license to use whatever you post, in whatsoever fashion we deem useful, here or in any other forum, in PARANOIA or in any and all future products, including but not limited to derivative works, and specifically but not exclusively including the microbrewery beer, ale and porter; salty and sugary snack; and tattoo design rights deriving therefrom. Woohoo! Is that enough legalese for you? The Computer is Your Friend.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?