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Official development blog for the PARANOIA roleplaying game. No description is available at your security clearance. The Computer is your friend.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Kobold PARANOIA 

From an RPG.net forum thread titled "PARANOIA in other games," this charming invention by a poster called "beachfox":
Good morning, Kobold Warrior Verm-1-N! Friend Sorcerer has a very important mission for you! As you know, Friend Sorcerer can see all aspects of Alpha Dungeon through his alchemical science and scrying technologies, allowing him to oversee all aspects of your life to ensure that Alpha Dungeon remains the bestest, most wonderful place for a kobold to live.

However, those filthy Guildsy Magic Heroes continue to try and bring us down. Why, it's said that there are secret Guilds operating right here in Alpha Dungeon. Guilds like the Thievings Guild, the Barbariansmash Guild, or even the dreaded Paladinkillthemall Guild. Even your own kobold brothers and sisters might be in them. You're not a Guildy, are you Kobold Warrior Verm-1-N?

You aren't a Magic User either, are you? Unlike Friend Sorcerer’s enlightened Alchemical Sciences, Heroes use filthy evil magic, and it's been rumored that they've even taught some of your fellow brother and sister kobolds magical tricks that they can use to bring down Alpha Dungeon from the inside. You don't know any magic, do you? Urinate in this silver chalice after giving your answer for verification. [...]

If you die during the course of your mission, one of your broodmates will be brought in to replace you. You keeping those Alchemical Science Thought Transfer Helmets on nice and snug? Good boy. Girl. Whatever you are.

But your mission awaits! Go forth and do my bidding. What? Of course Friend Sorcerer has told you what your mission is! Friend Sorcerer never forgets! Don't fail us, Kobold Warrior Verm-1-N! The sanctity of Alpha Dungeon depends on you! And remember: If you don't complete this mission before dawn tomorrow, Friend Sorcerer will have you killed.

I would dearly, dearly love to see some creative PARANOIA fan round up a party of naive D&Ders, play out this lovely idea, and report back, either here or on the RPG.net "Roleplaying Open" forum.
Posted by: Allen Varney / 1:01 AM

Comments:
There's this great adventure for Feng Shui called "Burning Shaolin" - it's part of Atlas Games' Corolis line. It's playable as Feng Shui or D20, and is actually sort of a "trick" adventure. As with most Feng Shui adventures, there's dimension-hopping and time travel, but you're to play this with unsuspecting hardcore D20 D&D players who WILL NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT TRYING ANYTHING ELSE EVAR! Man, I hate those players. The underlying idea is to have such a good time playing wuxia-style D20 D&D that you end up continuing to play Feng Shui and abandon D&D altogether. I am actually in a rare position to run this precise adventure for a group of said hardcode D&D'ers, and I'll let you know how it goes. Sorry, no Kobold Paranoia.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : December 01, 2005 1:51 PM
 
Wow.

I obviously need to do vanity googles more often.

I'm unspeakably pleased/honored/flabbergasted this was worth reposting here. I can only hope someone's gotten a fun weekend out of it.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : October 20, 2006 3:24 AM
 
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