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Official development blog for the PARANOIA roleplaying game. No description is available at your security clearance. The Computer is your friend.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

High Programmer dialogues 

Mongoose Publishing staff writer Gareth Hanrahan is in the final stretch of High Programmers, last of the three 25th-Anniversary PARANOIA rulebooks. This version, you'll recall, casts players as ULTRAVIOLET-Clearance supremos, the rulers of Alpha Complex. For one of the last fiddly bits of High Programmers, Gareth wants your help.

Past PARANOIA rulebooks have illuminated the entries on service groups (CPU, PLC, R&D, etc.) with bits of illustrative dialogue. You'll recall, for instance, this Armed Forces dialogue:
IntSec goon: We have a major problem here.

Army: Why, you just let my boys have a crack, and we'll settle this little contretemps in no time a-tall.
High Programmers needs an equivalent brief conversation for each service group, one that captures the group's characteristic form of subservient truckling to some UV's whim. Please write such a conversation and post it in the comments. Be terse, punchy, funny.

As always, neither Gareth, Mongoose Publishing, nor anybody at all will pay you anything or give you a free copy of anything. You grant Mongoose Publishing a dreadfully perpetual right to use your contribution in any way they see fit. Gareth will try to credit you in the rulebook, but no promises; if you post in the comments, please include your real name, or send it along separately. (See this blog's footer for the full horrifying rights-grab.)
Posted by: Allen Varney / 2:30 PM

Comments:
PLC Clerk 1: This month's rations of Cold Fun for KID Sector is on the pallets and ready to go.

PLC Clerk 2: Change of plans. Reroute that shipment to Freddy-U-NES.

PLC Clerk 1: Right away! I guess those KIDs can go another month without Cold Fun.
# posted by Blogger Unknown : October 23, 2009 11:24 AM
 
Armed Forces officer #1: We are to take our unit to that hill over there, and occupy that building.

Armed Forces officer #2: But the traitors are in the tall green and brown things...

Armed Forces officer #1: Orders from on high. Gorf-U assures me it is "worth ten points", whatever *that* means, and that we will be "minus two to hit".

...Ever wonder if you're being messed about?

Armed Forces officer #2: Nah. Can lead to all sorts of trouble, that.
# posted by Anonymous Danforth aka Dan McMahon : October 23, 2009 12:38 PM
 
Team Leader: I've never been in an R&D facility this quiet before.

R&D Tech: Shh! Keep your voice down! It's Carlos-U's nap time. No experiments. Just sign the form saying you received the equipment and tiptoe out.

Team Leader: Equipment? You didn't-- Oh. Damn.
# posted by Blogger Unknown : October 25, 2009 5:13 PM
 
CPU wonk: Sorry, but this report on Projected Negative Growth Efficiency for Habitat Engineering in the CO* Sectors is still too long. Dev-U is very busy and says can you get it down to one word, or maybe just a gesture?
# posted by Anonymous Danforth aka Dan McMahon : October 26, 2009 11:57 AM
 
My turn now, Danforth? LOL

IntSec Dispatcher 1: I just finished typing today's Traitors To Arrest List. Chloe-R, Bobbie-G, Arthur-I, and Connor-U.

IntSec Dispatcher 2: *ZAPZAPZAP* Newbie. (over PDC link) Attention all IntSec agents. Today's Traitors to Arrest List is Chloe-R, Bobbie-G, and Arthur-I.

[Author comment: Too long, I know. Not my best work :P]
# posted by Blogger Unknown : October 26, 2009 12:58 PM
 
[Who's left? Hmm, I'll take...]

VIOLET Power Services executive: Well, boss, if you don't want to sign off the funds for a third reactor in this sector, how about putting your entertainment system on standby at night?
# posted by Anonymous Danforth aka Dan McMahon : October 27, 2009 6:35 AM
 
HPD&MC Announcement -- Important Programming Note

Today's episode of Tella-O will be preempted by a special presentation. Zachary-U-RPD-18 will be lecturing on the difference between shag and pile carpeting. This exciting 4-hour discussion is mandatory for all citizens of appropriate clearance. Tella-O will return tomorrow at her normal time (if Savannah-U-EKX-15 doesn't want to rebut.)
# posted by Blogger Unknown : October 27, 2009 10:52 AM
 
[That was a surprise, Saul, I was expecting you to pick Tech and leave me with poor old last-picked-for-football HPD&MC! Let's see...]

Oh mighty ULTRAVIOLET: how many bot servants do you have? Are you sure all their Asimovs are functioning? A small fee can ensure monthly checks for all your servomotor servitors.

This service can also be bought as a gift for a fellow ULTRAVIOLET. Would you like us to *very, very carefully inspect* the Asimov circuits of all their bots as well? Discretion is our watchword.
# posted by Anonymous Danforth aka Dan McMahon : October 27, 2009 12:01 PM
 
Well Tech services doesn't speak to me the same way the the-a-tre does :)

Guess that's a wrap! Nice working with you, Danforth, on this completely unrehearsed and unprepared fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants alternate-posting parade!

Say Hi to the folks at P-Live for me!
# posted by Blogger Unknown : October 27, 2009 1:15 PM
 
Indeed, Saul. If Gareth doesn't use these, they've certainly given me a few mission hooks. Toodle-pip!
# posted by Anonymous Danforth : October 27, 2009 1:48 PM
 
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